


What He Needs to Hear

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cliffhangers, Emotional Hurt, Grieving Dean, Headaches & Migraines, Implied Relationships, Jack is a sweetheart, M/M, One Shot, Post-Season/Series 12, Self-Acceptance, Smoker Dean, Supportive Jody, Tough Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-27 06:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12074985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: Dean and Jody head out for a case and she gets him to talk about his loss.





	What He Needs to Hear

“Dean…” Jody started. Sam was back at the motel with Jack so she was riding shotgun in the Impala.

 

“Don’t,” Dean growled to cut her off. “Everybody keeps treating me like I’m made of glass. I lose people, people I lo- _ care  _ about,” he caught himself. “I’m grieving. I’m allowed that much, right?”

 

Jody put her hand on Dean’s knee and squeezed it gently. “I know. I’m a widow. I lost a child. So I get it. All the anger, the pain, the feeling like nobody out there will ever know  _ exactly _ how you feel. And you’re right. But I was going to ask how things are going with Jack. You seem tense around him.”

 

“Yeah? You mean the spawn of Lucifer who’s pretty much the reason my mom and Cas are gone? Oh we’re just peachy.”

 

“You can’t put that all on him. He’s just a kid, a half-human kid. He lost his mom, too. He’s got a deadbeat dad and the guy who stepped up to be a real father to him is gone. Sound familiar?” She knew she was pushing him but the only way to get through to Dean was the hard way.

 

Dean made a hard right and brought the car to a screeching halt in a strip mall parking lot. “What the fuck? John Winchester was no saint but he wasn’t the devil.”

 

Jody clicked her tongue. “Yeah, but it wasn’t that long ago you had all this dark side power you couldn’t control. And Jack...he’s so sweet. He looks so crushed when you dismiss him or use that tone with him.”

 

“I’d rather be playing stepdad to two wayward, hormonal, teenage girls.”

 

“Maybe I would rather have had a precious little boy but my girls...I love them. I miss them now that they’re grown and off doing their own thing.”

 

Dean got out of the car and leaned against it. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and lit one. It wasn’t the healthiest way to deal with his stress but Sam was watching his alcohol intake like a hawk. Besides, he knew what it was like to grow up with a drunk. He would at least spare the kid that much.

 

Jody got out to join him, frowning. “When’d you take that up?”

 

Dean took a long draw and blew smoke rings to accentuate the fact it wasn’t as recent a habit as Jody suspected. “Fifteen or so. Quit here and there. Been awhile. You gonna give me the ‘mom’ voice about how bad this is and blah, blah, blah?”

 

Instead she snatched it from him and took a drag before handing it back. “Tell anyone and I’ll kick your ass.”

 

“Didn’t know you smoked.”

 

“I don’t, but I did. After my son. After I lost them both. Wouldn’t make a very good sheriff if I was sloshed off my ass all the time.”

 

“I ain’t drinking much these days either. I can barely get through a bottle of beer without Sam looking like he’s writing my eulogy in his head.” He offered Jody another puff but she waved it off and crushed the butt under his boot.

 

“I think you’re gonna be okay, Dean. You’re aware of how you affect others. You’re coping, in your own way. You didn’t kick me out of the car.” Jody nudged his shoulder with hers.

 

“I dunno, Jodes. I mean, I raised Sammy but he was always my responsibility. I never should have asked you to look after a couple strays dropped on your doorstep. I’m such an asshole. Karma, right?”

 

Jody moved to hug him and he let her. It wasn’t like having his giant Sasquatch draped over him. “I don’t think I can do this. I can’t even look at the kid for more than a couple minutes. He’ll tilt his head and squint his blue eyes and…” he had to swallow hard to fight back tears. With Jody rubbing his back he just let go and sobbed.

 

“...all you see is  _ him _ . It’s gonna be that way, seeing him everywhere. Eventually it slows down to once in awhile.”

 

Dean sniffled and wiped his face on his sleeve before helping himself to another smoke. “Happened before. I got out of Purgatory and he didn't. Yet. Swore I saw him I don’t know how many times before he was there for real.”

 

Jody accepted this time when he passed it over. “You ever gonna say what I already know you’re saying? Because when you look at yourself in the mirror and say it, it becomes real. Then you start healing.”

 

“What? How I feel about him? You’re gonna make me say it? I loved him. There. Let the healing begin!” He made a grand gesture with his arms flailing.

 

“Dean, what I meant was...you are a widower. You lost your partner. It’s more than what Sam lost. It’s different than what Claire lost.”

 

“We weren’t married. We weren't even together.”

 

“Now that’s just because you were stupid or stubborn or both.”

 

Dean shrugged. “Both. Too late now, right?” Jody could see the darkness cloud over his eyes. The man was a perfect storm brewing.

 

“No, honey. I need to show you something.” Jody pulled out her phone. “Claire took these.” She showed him the screen.

 

Claire had snapped some candids of him and Cas together without them knowing.  Dean’s fingers lightly traced over the image of Castiel smiling at him, crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He couldn't take it anymore and turned away. The tears were stinging his eyes again and he thought a migraine was coming on.

 

Jody put the phone away. “Maybe you need a break. Come back with me for a couple days. We’ll eat ice cream and watch chick flicks in our pajamas.”

 

“And leave Uncle Sammy alone with the kid? Somebody has to be the responsible adult. He weighs like ninety pounds with pockets full of change. He’ll starve to death on the rabbit food Sam’ll shove down his throat. And milk. Kids need milk instead of smoothies!”

 

That made Jody smile. “You  _ do _ care about him. Such a Papa Bear.”

 

“Who else is qualified to have a supernatural foster kid?” Typical Dean. Play it off like an obligation.

 

“Okay. Freeze some meals for them, buy some milk. Two days, Dean. Just for you. And me. I miss my girls.”

 

“I’ll think about it. Come on, I gotta tag out. Fucking migraine. You drive.” Dean opened the back door to his Baby and laid down. He took off his jacket and put it over his eyes. He let the vibrations of the car soothe him on the ride back to the motel. He needed some aspirin and some quiet. 

 

Sam was worried when he heard the roar of the Impala so soon. Jody guided Dean into the room and he headed straight for the bathroom for pills and a cold washcloth.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Migraine. He’s tagging out. You’re with me.” Jody turned to the teenage boy sitting on the extra cot with a book. “You know what a migraine is, Jack?”

 

He nodded. “Light and sound sensitivity, nausea, pain.”

 

Jody smiled warmly. “That's right. You gotta look after Dean while we’re gone. It’s just a little while. Can you do that?”

 

Jack nodded again but looked nervous. Dean came out of the bathroom minus his shoes and a flannel. He eased into the bed and used the flannel for a sleep mask. He waved his brother and Jody to go.

 

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Jack decided to approach Dean. “Can I get you anything?” He asked quietly.

 

“Nah. Just needs to run its course.” He sighed. “But thanks, kid.” He felt the weight shift on the bed. “Jack? Listen, I grew up taking care of my baby brother and a drunk, miserable father. His whole life was grief and anger.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Look, I’ve been laying my own guilt trip on you and it ain’t fair. It’s not your fault how things went down. Just...you remind me so much of him,  _ Cas _ . I think I’m starting to get that I was a constant reminder to my old man, too. A great man stepped up for me and Sam and told me once I was a better man than John Winchester. I sure as hell ain’t been acting like it lately.”

 

Jack wasn’t sure of what to say, if anything. It was the most Dean had spoken to him.

 

“He believed in me, had faith in me, just like Cas did for you. So maybe I need to pay it forward and tell you that you’re gonna be a better man than  _ your _ father. At least on my watch.”

 

“Th-thank you, Dean. That means a lot to me.”

 

“I’m gonna try to sleep this off, okay? I really do feel like shit. I’m not being a dick.”

 

“I’ll read quietly.” Jack went back to his cot.

 

Dean actually did manage to doze off. He was still groggy and a little off but the pain was manageable. He stumbled to the bathroom to splash some cold water on his face and pop a couple more aspirin. He stared at his reflection.

 

“I’m a widower,” he barely whispered to himself. “I’m a widower. I lost my partner. I..am..a widower.” It sounded so foreign. “I’m a widower,” he repeated. He hung his head and let fresh teardrops hit the sink. He looked up again and gasped.

 

“Hello, Dean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a one shot. I left a deliberate cliffhanger so you, the reader, can interpret the ending as real or just Dean's mind playing tricks on him.


End file.
